Everybody Gets Cake in the End
One of the most common things I hear from heart-centered people when there is a tough choice to be made, is how hard it is to know what they’re “supposed to be doing.”
They’re not talking about the s’posetas of social or moral codes, like doing your homework or opening the door for someone at the bank.
This is the kind of decision around purpose. The kind of decision that feels like a crossroads. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to take this job,” or “I don’t know if I’m supposed to leave my boyfriend.” Heavy things. The things that change the course of life.
I know this conundrum well. I spent many years tying myself in knots, trying to decide whether a practitioner or program or modality was something I was supposed to do.
I’d feel stuck, I couldn’t access my Knowing. I’d pull out my deck of oracle cards and pull reading after reading, trying to ascertain not just the best course of action, but more than this. I wanted it to be the Right one.
I felt like there was a kind of set roadmap for my life’s mission, and it was my job to feel my way along with my “spidey senses.” I believed that any time I made a choice that wasn’t “on-path” I’d get zapped, and something unpleasant would happen as a result.
I’d feel like I was failing my mission by making a “wrong” choice. So disheartening. So exhausting…
Now since I was 12 I’ve had an intermittent career as a nanny. As such I’ve attended a multitude of kids’ birthday parties, where I’ve witnessed all manner of creative entertainments, both organized and disorganized.
The one game that keeps reinventing itself over and over again is the classic, Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey. (I think the last version I saw was Stick-the-Scar-on-Harry-Potter…) In all its variations, the aim is the same. A child is blindfolded, made to spin around a time or two, then let loose with the sharp (or sticky) object to try to find the right spot on the Donkey, Cat, Wizard, or Pokemon of choice.
Having played the game myself, I know the disorientation of trying to guess where I am in space based on the non-visual senses available to me. The anxiety of knowing everyone is watching, the hope of winning the prize if I get it right, the silliness of feeling dizzy and confused. It’s thrilling.
And I’ve witnessed this game far more often than I’ve played it. Delightful to see all the different strategies kids come up with to find the right spot. Some hold their arms out in front of them like the horror movie mummy, some assume that they’ve been pointed the wrong way and head off in a totally different direction, and some careen directly to the target, hitting the mark dead-on.
There’s always laughter, there’s always surprise on the face of the child when he lifts the blindfold and discovers where his pin has landed. There’s pride if he reached the target, and giggles if it was wide. And nine times out of ten, the winner will grab the offered prize and dash off to the next adventure, forgetting it almost as soon as it is attained.
Once in a while there’s a kid who can’t handle the pressure and lifts up a corner of the blindfold. It’s just too much to be hurtling through space without the guarantee of knowing where she’s headed. The lure of the sparkly pencil or sticker book waiting for the winner is just too tempting to leave to chance. And the rules dictate that the peeking child has to start over again, so back again to the blindfold and spin.
When we get stuck on whether or not we’re “supposed to” do one thing or another we’re focused on outcomes. We get fooled into imagining the results of our choice as a kind of end point. Like our divine purpose is to cross off items on some mysterious to-do list. There’s this kind of pressure to get it right.
The thing I had to learn the hard way is that our purpose isn’t a destination, it’s a way of being that is unique to each of us. We’re here to remember Who We Really Are, and in those moments of remembering we let that purpose shine through.
The goal isn’t to make all the right choices, it’s to show up as our True Self, whatever that truth is in that moment. There is no right or wrong to it.
We may not have all the details, and we can’t know what’s coming next. We can’t control the outcome. All we have is what’s true in the moment. It’s from here we have so much more access to our heart, our gut, our intuition.
The choice we make might be the one that allows us to express ourselves in a glorious new way, or it might be one that leads us into even more challenges. Either way, we’ll have a chance to learn and grow from the experience. And if it turns out that the choice feels wonky or even wrong, the Universe has a way of offering course-correction before long.
Like the outstretched hands of the party spectators, gently guiding the blindfolded child back toward a tailless donkey, there will always be more signs and signals steering us along the path toward our heart’s intentions.
Bottom line, life is meant for living, and it’s always going to be blindfolding us, spinning us in circles. And while we are off-kilter we get the opportunity to utilize those senses we’re not accustomed to depending on. We pull out our Knowing, our guidance, our trust. We might hit the mark, or we might be way off from where we intended to go. Often we land somewhere in between.
But that’s part of the adventure. And unlike a game at a birthday party, we get a chance to try again and again, learning resilience, and learning the language of our hearts to guide us to the place that feels right to us.
There’s no “supposed to” here. You can’t get life wrong. Just keep living, keep choosing, keep feeling your way. You may not hit the donkey where it counts every time, there’s always divine love available…Everyone gets a slice of cake in the end!
