(Emotional) Safety First
How are you feeling these days?
I’m noticing that whether folks are up or down, the feelings right now are powerful. There’s a lot happening in the ethers that is having an emotional impact on many of us. We’re right in the middle of two eclipses, a notable element in a host of celestial fireworks winding up the year’s dazzling display.
Not that the show ever really stops, just this year’s been one for the books, cosmically speaking.
And there’s plenty else going on out there to keep the roller coaster rolling.
It seems like many of us are riding the waves of the feels, whether from some unseen impetus, or in response to current events, and that can be especially tough at this time of year. At least in the colder, wetter parts of the world where we’re not able to be outdoors as much. Not as connected to each other. It gets oppressive.
I feel you. I do.
However, I will say that with every uncomfortable swell comes an opportunity to heal a part of ourselves. As we are washed with grief, or anger, or worry we are gifted the chance to follow that feeling to its root, to its anchor point somewhere in our past, and to untether it, feel it deeply, and let it flow through.
But what do we do when it doesn’t seem to want to loosen its grip? When we’re pitted against the same bitterness day after day, and no matter which tools we pull out or how deeply we dive into its center, it doesn’t seem to budge?
First off, we breathe. Then we give ourselves a break. We’re digging in, we’re willing, we’re showing up. That’s not nothing. In fact, that’s pretty huge to begin with.
Often these things won’t leave because we’re actually holding onto them, whether or not we realize it. Often we find that we don’t know who we are without them. Once the rage or terror or sorrow is gone we have to take responsibility for our desires and choose to create a new story for ourselves. Which can be utterly terrifying, from the subconscious’ point of view.
Even if we’ve been desperate to change this one part of ourselves, we’ve been giving it so much attention, so much fuel, for so long we don’t know how to exist without it there.
From our subconscious’ point of view it isn’t safe to let it go.
I have found that when the really tenacious stuff lingers, it’s essential to create a sense of safety first. To calm the mind, to allow it’s death-grip to loosen.
There are numerous technologies for allowing this to happen. Breathwork, therapy, neurofeedback, various methods of energy psychology, meditative visualizations and journeying, inner child work, and so on ad infinitum.
I’m not here to weigh the relative merits of any of these methods. Everyone is different, and not everything vibes for every person. I have my methods that work for me, and that I use with my clients (subscribe here to receive one I use with my clients), but there are plenty of other ways.
Mainly I just want to point out that the unconscious “danger” factor is one of the big reasons we get stuck. Taking a step back, stating an intention to let it go, then doing something silly and fun, or getting out in nature often creates enough connection with our essential self to allow the shift to take place.
And ultimately that’s what we’re needing in order to feel safe when we get stuck. Our brains convince us that “figuring it out” works better than genuine divine connection. Or we’re convinced that we’re not good enough to connect UNTIL we solve the conundrum, or let the baggage go.
Quite the opposite is true.
In the moments where it feels the darkest, when we’re feeling stuck and alone and broken, those are the moments where we need our connection most of all. We get to believing we don’t deserve our light, or that we can’t go out to play until we’ve finished our homework, when the solution to our disbelief and self-punishment is the light itself. We just forget how to let it in sometimes.
We always deserve to shine, and we cannot put out our light. We can hide it, sure, but it’s always there for us. It’s our true safety, our true north.
This is tricky stuff, the shadow work, because the mind is complex and convoluted and really only interested in its own survival. It’s made that way on purpose.
But it’s when we get out beyond the mind that the healing can take place. The feelings are just feelings, and are designed to come and go.
The love and joy that are our very nature are something more. They abide. They are the ocean of our being, and the truth of who we really are, and where we return when the rest has turned to dust.
Our work is to remember that. The rest is just sprinkles on the donut.
